The attack
by Cannibalistic Brat
Summary: 'there's intruders on your land' Alfred spoke as he peered out behind the corner.'...My god.' Seriously awesome AU crack family with Parents!Gilbert/Ludwig and Kids!Ivan&Alfred. Humour. Rated T for Gilbert/Ludwig; implied things. Human names 'course.


Super AU crack family, warning of awesome!

Gilbert/Ludwig/Alfred/Ivan.

Because it would be weird, yet awesome.

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_"...And I'm off to save the world. Silly me I left a message with no return number, for my boys in blue in case of an emergency in case the shit goes down, yeah. I'll be back tomorrow, I'll be back in the bar room swingin'. I'll be back with my Superman action And I'm off to save the world..." _

There was a radio blasting music in the background.

Alfred ran down the stairs, a sheet tied around his shoulders for a makeshift cape. No more than a few seconds afterwards, Gilbert followed in tow with his own cape, of awesome, you might add. They both made their way into a room with a makeshift command post made of pillows, blankets, boxes and a table. Not to long in a fight broke way of plastic swords. "You will not get me again, king awesome!" A young Alfred of 9 years old, viciously battled his own father, the king of their lands. "Oh but Alfred. You will come back. You are destined too! Your kingdoms aren't yours, but mine!"

Gilbert laughed while Alfred focused his attention to the fight on hand, the sound of their swords 'thunk' together when hit. Gilbert made a small slip up and Alfred made for a quick retreat to revise his plans. Because the the idea of taking his father out right there hadn't donned on him at the time.

Alfred managed to make his way out of the room and through the kitchen where he stopped when he noticed the light in the other room was on. He took a step towards the doorway and peered into the other room. His dad was coming up from behind "...what?" he asked when he noticed the other.

"...we have intruders in our lands!" Alfred turned around and looked at the other as he spoke in a hushed voice. He pointed his sword at the doorway.

Gilbert took the hint and peeked his head around the doorway. He was right! Or kinda. There on the couch sit Ludwig with Ivan sitting in his lap. They were reading some book that looked way to complicated with a lack of pictures. A book of war and it looked boring. He should change that.

He pulled back from the door way and knelt down in front of Alfred. "My god... my son, you're right!" We must put aside our prior conflict to deal with them.

"Shush!" He spoke in his still hushed voice and put his finger to the other lips. "They'll hear us!"

Gilbert chuckled. He jumped to his feet grabbing Alfred's hand and ran off back to the makeshift fort in the other room.

They took seats in their command post and set of plans to take out the 'intruders'. They set up a simple plan to take the others out on sheet of paper. Pretty poorly drawn with markers too. With that done, they left the fort for a few things. Their capes were taken off and replaced by camo coats and and black war paint on their faces. Their swords were dropped and in return replaced by Alfred's nerf guns; he had alot of those things piled within his toy chest. And thus, they were ready for the war.

"Okay my young soldier, are you ready for the war to end all wars? We are to break into thier fortress and take them in as our prisoners. Find out why they're here. Okay?" His 'commander' walked back and forth in front of him, giving his pep speech. Alfred saluted his him with a 'yes sir!' Before they grabbed their guns and headed out.

They snuck around the walls corners, like spies would, their guns held close. Gilbert led the way, Alfred following in step.

Gilbert promptly slipped down behind a counter in the kitchen, his young soldier doing the same. He looked from the counter to see that the two in the other room seemed to not of noticed them. Perfect. He shot up and quickly made his way into the room.

Ludwig was hit by a barrage of nerf bullets by Gilbert. A crash from an object falling over sounded. Ivan was startled by his brother's sudden screaming as he too ran into the room and shot his own gun. Ivan fell off the couch; his father's lap. He quickly recovered and took cover behind the couch, the book that was read just a minute ago being long discarded across the way on the floor.

"Alfred! That's not fair!" Ivan shouted from behind the couch. "Hero's wouldn't attack someone defenceless!" He peeked up from behind his barrier to grab two pillows, aiming them both in Alfred's general direction. He was such an annoying little brother.

He stopped for a second to think. It wasn't, was it? Gilbert took noticed of this. "Alfred, don't let them falter your guard!" His 'commander' spoke from a bookshelf on a far side of the room.

"Gilbert, Stop it!" Ludwig took a pillow from the couch as he rose from the side of it to try and block another flying barrage of plastic and foam. Another crash. sounded. Dammit. He was not happy, but he should have figured something childish as this was coming when he herd the whispering from the kitchen earlier. Gilbert laughed but didn't move from his spot otherwise.

"Who are you? Why are you on the kings land!" Alfred shouted from the other side of the large room with his gun pointed at the couch, ready to shoot.

"Alfred! Come here now. _Gilbert_, you Too." Ludwig spoke in a stern voice, he wasn't too happy. Know he knew Gilbert was behind it. He was always behind these kind of things.

"...but father!" He looked at him, pointing before lowering his gun. He saw the look on the others face and knew he meant it. He dropped his gun with a 'clack'.

Ivan came out from behind the couch. Oh yes, his brother was in trouble. He chuckled and Alfred noticed. "Shut up butt face!" and stuck his tongue out at him. Ivan just smiled instead of opting for something a bit meaner. He was the good child anyways, he'd get him back later when his parents weren't around to see.

"Dad... he's mad at us." He began his way over to his father, head down in defeat.

"I know, that's why you can't go! Dad will get in trouble! You don't want dad getting in trouble, do ya?" Ah. If Alfred caved he was so in trouble. He frowned, but almost suddenly that frown shot up into a grin that split across his face. But wait! Yes, this may actually work in his favour if he played his cards right.

"Alfred, go to your room. You're grounded for the rest of the night. Ivan you can take the book we were reading, just go with your brother for now. It's almost time for bed anyways."

"But fath-"

"Alfred."

"Okay, okay. Fine." He apologized to his dad quickly before he stomped out of the room in a huff. Ivan grabbed the book that was sent across the room earlier in the 'attack' before he too walked out. You could hear as Alfred tried his best to make all the noise he could when stomping up the stairs. And then a loud whine of "oww. That hurt!" from the stairwell.

He sighed and took a seat on the couch, placing his face in his palms, rubbing his eyes and spoke. "So, should I even ask what this was about?"

Gilbert had stood from his spot and made his way over to his other. Yes, this will definitely work in his favour. "Probably not. But you know what, you looked so boring while reading that book. Cute, yet extremly boring. I had to change that. And Ivan is way to young to give up his childhood for boring books. I needed to get him out of there quick." He made his way over to the other and grabbed one of his arms, pulling him upwards and into a kiss.

"Since you know, you've already sent them to their room for the night, I came up with an awesome idea." The grin he wore on his lips promised such things, and Ludwig saw those things. Gilbert shoved the other back on the couch, his hands placing the others arms above his head as he crawled a top him.

"Ja? And what makes you think you're going to be getting such 'awesome things'?" He was in no way, going to get out of this whole thing, nor get into where this was already beginning to go. Gilbert on the other hand would make sure it was just the opposite, at least the last part.

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Alfred plopped on to his bed, right before Ivan made his way in the door way. He was still pouting with the about the whole thing. "That wasn't cool. Or fair."

"I guess you didn't see dad's grin before you left the room pouting. I bet he set this up." Alfred looked to his brother in horror.

"No way, dad would never do that to me! I'm his favorite!" He shouted at the other who just looked back at him with a small frown.

"...He would if he wanted to have fun with father." Ivan chuckled when his brother shut his mouth promptly.

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So I have an excuse for this super crack family. Kinda.

It came to my head when I was messaging some person of awesome on msn. We got into the subject of fics and then APH and I started telling an epic crack family story of Gilbert/Ludwig/Alfred/Ivan. And I Guess it was a win. So I decided on writing a better written crack family story with them. Gilbert was the dad, Ludwig the 'mommy' Alfred nine and Ivan twelve. xD

I think it can make total sense for them to be a family in a seriously Alternate universe. Like Alfred has blond hair blue eyes and if Ludwig messed up his hair, tada. And Alfred has a huge ego just as Gilbert. And like Ivan kinda looks like Gilbert, right? With a bit of sarcasm from him and then with a smarter more polite personality of Ludwig or something it makes sense that they could be their kids? xD That's my reasoning for this crack family. ...Plus these four are my favorite so I had to do something with 'em. And like seriously, Alfred would take more to Gilbert and Ivan to Ludwig.

That song; Motion City Soundtrack -capital H. Yea. Don't think i'm doing such crack like this again, It felt kinda weird with messing with it so much. But then again, at the same time, I so totally want to do something with them like this again.

Disclaimer- I disclaim :D

And only just started writing the next chapter for 'our pasts and futures' :3


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